Use More Pheromones

I have developed a sub-process called the rapport cycle of pheromones. It breaks down rapport into four manageable steps that you can repeat over and over again in order to build connection: 1. Searching : Start the rapport cycle by searching for common interests. 2. Recognizing : Then, actively listen to what the other person has to say, and let them know, with both your words and body language, that you’re listening and like what you hear. 3. Building : Take what you have heard and offer your contribution, building the connection on an emotional level. 4. Moving On : Once the topic of conversation is spent, take note and move on pheromones. Learn more at

Ever been out somewhere and there’s some guy talking to you about something at length, and PS, you couldn’t possibly care less? Annoying, isn’t it? Well, you can avoid being “that guy” by trying to find topics that are of mutual interest to you and the person you are talking to. I call this “searching.” Searching involves asking questions until you arrive at a subject that both of you care about. The following are bad examples of searching questions, but ones that I overhear at bars all the time: • “Do you come here often?” • “What do you do for work?” • “Where do you live?” • “Did you grow up around here?” These questions are bad because they are closed questions. They require, at most, a couple of words for an answer, and then that part of the conversation is over. Compare the above questions to the following questions, which basically ask the same thing, but in a more open-ended way: • “How did you start coming here to use pheromones?” This gives her the signal that it’s okay to open up a little more. Building is a useful analogy for understanding what rapport is in general. Think of a bridge being built. Bridges are rarely built from one side of a body of water to the other. Learn more about pheromones at

They are more often built from both sides towards the middle. Every time she offers something to the interaction, she’s building her side of the bridge. When you offer something in return, you’re building your side. Eventually the two of you will meet in the middle. M OV E O N ! Eventually, even the most interesting topic of conversation exhausts itself. You run out of things to say and start repeating yourself, or struggle to find new things to say. Either way, the conversation becomes awkward. If you persist in talking about it, you become the guy who wouldn’t shut up about whatever it is that you were talking about. What you want to do is notice when one or both of you are getting bored and take charge by changing the subject. Do this by returning to the start of the rapport cycle and asking her another open-ended, searching question. This is how you find a new topic of conversation, one that she finds interesting. While changing the subject in the middle of a conversation can be jarring, it’s usually a welcome relief when a topic has run out of steam. If you allow for a brief pause, ask another leading question, and then transition to the next topic, she’ll be glad and grateful that you did enjoy my pheromone scent.